Relationship moods2/19/2023 ![]() ![]() If both people in the relationship do this it devolves into what I call “the relationship scorecard,” where the relationship devolves into a battle to see who has screwed up the most over the months or years, and therefore who is most indebted to the other. What Is It?: The “keeping score” phenomenon is when someone you’re dating continues to blame you for past mistakes. Toxic relationships can take on a few different forms, but I’ve found a number of telltale signs of bad relationships that many people either ignore or, worse, think are actually signs of a healthy relationship.īelow are six of the most common tendencies in relationships that many couples think are healthy and normal but are actually toxic behaviors and harming what you hold dear. But all this does is create a superficial, psychologically unhealthy, and potentially abusive relationship.Ħ Signs of a Toxic Relationship You Might Think Are Normal We tolerate bad relationships for all sorts of reasons-maybe we have low self-esteem, maybe we’re not self-aware enough to realize what’s going on, maybe we don’t have a good handle on our emotions, and so on. If you prioritize love over affection in the relationship, you’ll tolerate a cold and distant existence in the relationship. If you prioritize love over trust in the relationship, you’ll tolerate lying and cheating. If you prioritize the love you get out of a relationship over the respect you’re given, you’ll tolerate being treated like a doormat. This might sound crazy to some people, but love should not be the reason to stay in a relationship, and that’s because it can cloud our judgment in these other very important areas. So let’s first get clear about what a toxic relationship is:Ī toxic relationship occurs when one or both people are prioritizing love over the three core components of a healthy relationship: respect, trust, and affection. ![]() Many of us enter the dating world not even knowing that a lot of our beliefs about relationships are toxic to begin with. And for most of us, mom and dad surely weren’t the best examples. Thus, our partners are often seen as achievements or prizes rather than someone to share mutual emotional support.Ī lot of the self-help literature out there isn’t helpful either. Men and women are encouraged to objectify each other and to objectify their romantic relationships. And we scoff at practicality or unconventional sexualities. We worship romantic love-you know, that dizzying and irrational kind that somehow finds breaking china plates on the wall in a fit of tears somewhat endearing. One of the problems is that a lot of toxic relationship habits are baked into our culture. Without clear ideas from adults, what we’re left with is basically trial and error, and if you’re like most people, it’s mostly error.Įnter: a string of toxic relationships as we fumble through an already complex dating world. Sure, we get taught the biology of sex, the legal ins and outs of marriage, and maybe we read a few obscure love stories from the 19th century on how not to be an ass-face. There’s no class in high school on how to not be a shitty boyfriend or girlfriend. ![]()
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